Parenting by Design Daily Devotional: Empathy

I know...it's been some time since I've blogged...there's a lot that's gone on here lately, and I promise I'll catch up! I just had to post this, first..

The Instigator (the wonderful man that he is!) recently got me and iPhone! I've been having a lot of fun with apps and everything else that goes with it. This is the first phone I've had that even has a camera, let alone all the other bells and whistles that go with it. Up until now, I've only had cheesy flip phones. Granted, it's because I previously didn't care if I had the high-tech phones.

One of the apps I downloaded is for Bible reading, and it has the option of doing devotionals. Sadly, I've already fallen behind in them, and I only started them on the 30th! But as I was playing catch up, this one really stuck out at me. (The following is as written in the devotional, which is available for free through the "Parenting by Design Daily Devotional" on the "Bible" iPhone app.)

"Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of the body, the church."
~ Ephesians 4:15


EMPATHY


"Our love grows soft if it is not strengthened by truth, and our truth grows hard if not softened by love." 
--John Stott


The essence of empathy is balancing truth and love. A rescuing parent leans heavily on love, but shies away from truth. A dictating parent leans heavily on truth, but mixes in little love. A counselor parent is able to express his love for the child no matter what they say or do, yet is strong enough to deliver appropriate consequences and to allow his child to struggle so that real learning takes place. It is a difficult balance, and out anxiety or anger often reveals where we fall on the continuum between rescuer and dictator. Is your love too soft, or your truth too hard?

Striking a balance between truth and love models out heavenly Father's relationship with us.


The part that really screamed at me was where the balance comes into play. I'm not typically one that's good at balance. I'm a very black and white person...shades of gray irritate me to no end. And it shows in pretty much every area of my life. If I'm not constantly cleaning and keeping house, I don't often get time to do what I want to do. If I forgo the cleaning and laundry in favor of knitting and computer time, the house tends to get into a state that compels The Instigator to take up the slack (...and immediately on the heels of that is overpowering guilt that consumes me, and I overcompensate and do nothing for myself to keep up on cleaning...then I get frustrated because I'm not relaxing...so I take time for me, and...do you see the viscous cycle, here?). I know, in my head (as well as from the experience of others) that all I have to do is manage my time better. Spend 30 minutes a day cleaning a room, a different room every day, to keep up with it all. But for whatever reason, that's not the way I function. I'm all or nothing. Black or white. Up or down. Joyous or furious. I can try to do the allotting of small bits of time to clean each day, but it never sticks for more than a week. So to say that this devotional hit me hard is a bit of an understatement.

In truth...I'm back and forth on the spectrum between the rescuing and dictating parent. And it's more sudden than one might expect. (I let things irritated me far more than I should...) If it's a balance that's hard enough for other people that can balance well, how much more difficult is it going to be for me?! I can absolutely see in my mind's eye examples of both extremes in my recent past. I guess all I can do is try...

I have also noticed that I'm better at  balancing things and being (at least closer to achieving the status of) a counselor parent when I'm actively immersing myself into the Bible and going to church (which is, I'm ashamed to admit, something that I've neglected since I lived in Oklahoma). So I'm taking it a little at a time...getting back into reading the Bible, doing daily devotionals, surrounding myself with positive people. I'm hoping it doesn't take me long to get closer to the middle of that parenting spectrum!

Just keep knitting, just keep knitting....

Wow! Last week was busy!!! We went down to Ramstein (about an hour's drive away) on Tuesday for The Instigator's martial arts class, and again on Thursday so he could pay the fees to attend a seminar (and we then had some good family time together...it was nice!), and then again on Saturday so he could attend a private lesson in preparation for said seminar and the Misha's older son's birthday party! We ended up staying overnight, too! That's a lot for someone that doesn't get to leave the house much...

Friday I finished the hooded scarf (which is going to be sent out this week):

Then while at Luc's bday party, I had to have something to keep me from fidgeting, so I started in on the trio of hats for the trip to London!

I'm making one for Misha, one for Kristin, and one for myself. :D I love this pattern, because it can be worn with the brim folded up, beanie style, or it can be worn tall, like in the picture, and look like a wizard's/witch's hat! (And the Ravenclaw colors are no coincidence...we're going to wear them when we go to Platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross!)

So I've got one down and two to go! But then, Ann started a new KAL! (She's the one that designed those amazing scarves I previously made.) This is a baby pattern, and so I'm making a romper/onesie and giving it to a friend from high school that is due in July! I also went a little overboard and planned quite the gift box...LOL But for now, I have finished the first leg (pictured below) and am part way into the second leg. The next pattern release will be this weekend! :D

I am super excited that HSKS is about to start back up! (It's a Harry-Potter themed crafting swap.) I love that group. In fact, it's because of that group I was introduced to Ann's designs and it was on a meet-up in Scotland for that swap that led me to personally make her acquaintance (and later on visit her and stay at her house to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on opening weekend)! And as if that wasn't enough, that group helped me through both times my husband deployed while we were living in Italy. it gave me something to focus on and keep up with, and it helped the time fly right by! I've actually made a quite a few friends through that swap. :) I am grateful for each one of them! (A pair of them even turned me onto  the awesomeness that is Nathan Fillion...and Joss Whedon!)

Also, I made my first Etsy sale back on the 3rd! :D That was very exciting! So these earrings are no longer available:

(Why, yes, I am a bit Potter-obsessed...LOL) I'm thinking, though, of switching to Artfire...I had a friend suggest Artfire instead, but I insisted on testing the Etsy waters first...lol We'll see...


I still haven't finished that blue and green blanket, as I've been drawn to the needles as opposed to the hook lately, though I have gotten 2 rows further into the last 10-ish rows. And I still have not yet stitched the ribbon in place on the baby blanket for another high school friend...her daughter was born in November! (D'oh!) But I'd better get back to the crafting "grindstone" if I hope to get any of this done!

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Listening to: Katharine McPhee - Had It All
http://foxytunes.com/artist/katharine+mcphee/track/had+it+all

RE: My Anomaly Post

It has come to my attention that my tone in my last post (not counting the Friday Fill-In) I may have come across as judgmental. If that is how it came across to you, I apologize profoundly! I cannot say that I am surprised at that interpretation, as I do have quite the tendency to be like that (old, bad habit) and it can occasionally slip through where I don't mean it to. I do not want anyone to think that I'm implying that the people who do use/want/need the makeup or jewelry or name brands or what have you are materialistic and/or shallow. I do not feel that way at all. I just meant to convey that I find my securities elsewhere. Somewhere that is not the typical places someone may find masses of females. It is not my intention to put down anyone that appreciates those things in ways I don't in any manner. I cannot express enough how sorry I am for who it offended.

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

1. During military separations (whether short or long) how do you keep yourself positive and motivated? submitted by Married/Single Parent  I craft. I craft a lot. I do almost nothing but knit or crochet. And then I donate what I've made to people that have it harder than I do. Also, I distract myself by being heavily involved with the Harry Potter Sock Kit Swap.
2. What is your favorite concert you have ever been to? submitted by Young but Not (Completely) Dumb  Oh geez...it's been a loooooooong time since I've been to a concert...I think I would have to say Transiberian Orchestra, though.
3. What do you miss most about your “hometown”?  submitted by A Florida Girl and Her Soldier  Definitely the convenience of friends and family nearby. (Though I do have friends close by, here!) :)
4. If you could run in any race, which charity would you choose to support? submitted by Wookie & Co.  Hmmm...probably something for abused women and/or children or something for the families of fallen soldiers.
5. You find out Willy Wonka is your father, what 3 course meal do you INSIST he create in that stick of gum?  submitted by A{muse}ing Mommy on a Pink Park Bench  Chicken Parmesan, garlic bread, and PUMPKIN PIE!!! (MUST have that pumpkin pie!!!)

I Am an Anomaly...

I am not most girls. (Note: "girls" here refers to all of the female sex...not just young females.) I never really have been. I don't drool over shoes. I don't have a craving for name brands. I don't feel that I need expensive (or numerous!) purses. I almost never wear makeup. And I am quite satisfied with the jewelry I can get at Wal-mart. (Multiple pairs of earrings for $15? Yes, please!)

A large part of that is due to how I was raised, and I'm aware of that, but it's also significantly due to the fact that I'm pretty low maintenance and tend to be logical. (Told you! Not the typical girl!) I just don't see the sense in spending that much on pretty baubles, things that will get scuffed and dirty, taking the time to apply powders to the face that might last one day, or "needing" someone's name to be able to tote around the necessities. I just don't get it.

I don't often wear jewelry. I wear my wedding and engagement rings all of the time, and I've only just recently begun to wear my watch again. (I didn't wear it when the boys were little because it would hurt their little heads when I laid them down to sleep...and got out of the habit of wearing one until recently. I don't have a cell phone up here in Germany yet, so I have to have some way to tell the time!) For my fourth wedding anniversary, The Instigator got me a beautiful necklace that I adored. I wore it so much that the chain broke (which made me cry), and I nearly lost the pendant. And then I did end up losing the pendant. I still tear up every time I think about that, because I really did love that necklace. It was perfect. It was a gift for our anniversary, and I lost it.

The perfect necklace that has since been lost.

It actually matched my engagement ring perfectly!

   My engagement ring

Now, before any of you freak out over the size of the stone, know this: I picked this ring out myself. I love it. The Instigator wanted to get me something bigger. I refused. I wanted this one. Usually it's the female vying for a bigger rock, but in our case, the roles were reversed. He has threatened to upgrade it, and I just get mad at him every time he says he's going to. (Misha says I'm "a poor man's wet dream." LOL) I don't want a bigger stone. I don't even like bigger stones. Both The Instigator and Misha have gotten me to try on rings with bigger diamonds, and I just can't stand to even have it on me.

I am a simple girl. I just am. 

So this morning, after coming home from PT and showering and on his way out to work for the day, The Instigator comes up behind me and give me a one-armed hug as I'm sitting at my computer, and my first thought was "What's behind your back?" I didn't even get a chance to ask him, though, as he started speaking first. Today is nothing special. Not an anniversary of anything, not a birthday, not a holiday. Just another day. And he tells me that he loves me and appreciates me (which I will never argue with hearing!), and puts this on the desk in front of me:

And he then promptly gives C hugs and kisses and runs out the door (I was already standing up to come after him, and he handed, nay, nearly threw C at me to give himself escape time). So all my insisting 'til I was blue in the face was for nothing. Here's what is inside:

Yes, is inside, not was. It's still in the box. lol I love my husband, but he can be so frustrating! (And how many women do you know that complain when their husband gives them jewelry?!...Yep, I'm an anomaly...)