The Adventures of SuperMommy: SuperMommy vs. The Diaper Monster

I am pissed. As in livid. I sent my son to a friend's house to be potty trained, because he wouldn't do it for me. I tried every trick in the book. And when I say "every trick," I am not exaggerating. I. Tried. Everything. Nothing worked. Leave him undressed? I'd find pee puddles and crap piles on the floor. Reward using the potty? He didn't care about the reward. It didn't matter how big or small it was, he wasn't motivated to use the toilet. Let him sit in wet/messy underwear? He would sit in it for hours and I had no clue he needed cleaned up until my olfactory senses picked it up from across the room (or the house, depending on which room he was playing in). Call him a baby? Didn't matter. He likes being mommy's baby. He. Doesn't. Care. I could find NOTHING to motivate him. At all. I even punished him a couple of times, against my instincts (as it's drilled into a young mother's head to NOT go about potty training by punishment), regardless of the fact that C is 4 and a half and was still in pull-ups. I have not found anything that motivates him to potty train.

My friend Misha, the potty training goddess, took C to get him to potty train. His time there was cut short due to a family emergency that Misha had, but still, in the time that he was there, he had not one. Single. Accident. He went in the toilet every time. It seems that her calling him a baby (a pretty girl that wasn't mommy that he wanted to impress) made quite the impact. He was doing fine. He came home and tried to fight using the potty again for a little bit, but I put my foot down and made him go. We were good. Then a day or so after he got back, he pooped in his underwear. I won't go into massive detail about it, as I don't want to disgust anyone, but suffice it to say, it wasn't as solid as it could have been, so I chalked it up to not making it to the toilet on time and just tossed the pair and let it slide. He was doing fine after that. He even just went poop on the toilet less than two hours ago! And then....he started walking funny. I checked his butt. Sure enough, he pooped himself again. I had to leave the room for a minute, I was so angry. I had to cut the underwear off of him to avoid a colossal mess that would have ended with him in the bathtub.

 So that's it. The gauntlet has been thrown. And I am one angry Mommy! I'm talking furious! Luckily, I learned at a very young age how to channel anger into motivation. I am taking Misha's "baby" approach. But it is not going to have any sort of positive connotation from me again, if I can help it. Being as C is 4 and a half, we haven't had need of baby food in the house in a looooooooooong time, nor do I have a food processor/blender to make baby food, but The Instigator is either going to pick some up on his way home, or I'll be going out once he's home to get some. His lunch (only because it's too late to walk to base to pick up baby food and be home in time to pick up A from the bus stop) consisted of a piece of bread, a piece of bologna and some cheese, and I spoon-fed him applesauce. This boy treasures his independence, and it has now been revoked. No soda for dinner, no candy at all. No video games on his Leapster Explorer, no movies, no trains, no cars, nothing. Naps are now required again. When he's awake, he can sit on his hands for all I care. He will not be playing. Until he can prove to me that he is "big boy" enough to use the toilet and not go in his underwear, this is the new regime in the house. Hopefully he will be irritated at seeing A getting all the regular stuff that he's missing out on himself and that will help motivate him. And when we get that baby food, you can bet it's going to be the most disgusting I can find.

I have been wiping butts since A was born, nearly 6 years ago, first A, then C, and I'm sick of it. Beyond sick of it. I have been for some time. But he sealed his own fate when he used the toilet regularly for someone else. I am declaring war on The Diaper Monster (not on C....just his iron will to have his way) and I will win, one way or another.